haha

RELIEF.
i found the keys!it's been bothering me for ages (as stated in previous post)!it was in my bag all along! i was so scared! this key actually opens the picasso room. i borrowed it last thursday because i need materials to create a banner for the drama performance for chinese new year celebreation. the the owner of the key (a teacher) was saying in front of two individuals that i am dependable and that she trust me. she told me to take the keys home and return it to her the next day as she is leaving early. suddenly, i just forgot where i put when i reached home that faithful day. i was so distressed. her words keep on rewinding itself in my mind; "i only trust eunice... i only trust eunice... i only trust eunice..." honestly, i am one irresponsible person. heck! it's not my problem that i have short term memory. i was shocked actually at one time when a teacher praised me for being responsible! unbelievable. well i have a life. i don't mourn over the fact that i am forgetful. but i do something to cope with that problem. in that sense you can call me responsible. yet there are still extreme cases that it's inevitable. eventhough i like taking assignments, i try to minimize my voluteerings as i cannot handle huge jobs. sigh, it is hard to be marginalized.

church was like 'whoa' today. i mean it is like the fewest number of attendance i have encountered so far in this church. faith comunity baptist church is the second largest church here in singapore (i think). over eleven thousand people come for service every week. today, max pavillion was just so empty. it feels like only five hundred people came. however, i was able to get a sit in the front row! a wonderful experience. i almost turned deaf. ten amplifiers were blasting in front of my face! i could feel my pants vibrate. the really cool thing is that i can see rev eugene seow's face. i mean the screens were still there but i could see him upclose and personal. the sermon was about celebrating the family. you know, the fifth comandment about respecting you parents. i think i will continue and try my best to respect them. otherwise, the consequences are drastic. read your bible and you will know.

another wonderful day.

charity rue

what a nice day. peaceful and tranquil. insignificant yet exhilarating. reposeful yet engaging. paradoxical huh.

i've been doing work the whole day. still, you must understand that if you like what you are doing and you are doing what you like, it seems as if life is like a recreation. so you ask, what have i been doing? well, i've been working on my farewell scrapbook project for half of the day. i read the newspaper a while ago. i also put in use the english gramar book that was rendered to me during the salvation army charity drive.

can you believe it? i was doing a charity drive and i plundered stuff from the charity items! well not exactly, the person-in-charge gave it to me without her superior's notice. i was thinking if i did not accept this, it might be, at this moment, present in better hands or someone who needed it more than me. however, the book has provided me with loads of valuable information that is what i exactly needed. so in conclusion, the pludering act is vindicated right? right!

even so, i am bothered with the usual reason that made me upset. this reason, i cannot disclose as i will be in deep trouble if i do. i have yet examined this problem of mine as i am petrified of it's consequences if it appears to be genuine. yes, i am bothered over something which might not be existant at all. it's the same situation as being afraid of a ghost. you figure out the rest, aye?

well nothing else to blabber about. might as well resign.

alor, aurevior es tous!

cny

a felicitous new year to everyone. nothing much to talk about. i mean, i have TONNES of things to talk about. things that is buried deep in my heart that disoblige me greatly. nevertheless, this cyber webpage that is much open to the public is not the place that i have trust in. my diary is collecting dust as i am too lazy to write. i am suppose to go to a cell meeting around 3pm but now that i had mentioned the taboo word - lazy - i have not much interest in going out of the house or even getting up in this comfortable chair that i am in. yes, here me rattle on about nonsense. i only do this for the sake of practising my english and to update my ageing blog.


well now what shall we talk about today. what about the embarrassment of going on stage with the whole class and sing an incomprehensible song because if you don't, you might feel guilty of standing up with your class. well it was okay if i am positioned far behind those cheesy people who had decided that this is just another chance to unite one another, but no, my face is exposed to the whole world as i am placed in front. well, i felt that if i didn't go our dearest form teacher would condemn me. that is just my assumption. he does look down to people who are infidel. so what can i do? but honestly, it is okay for me. i am just complaining for the sake of being able to put some contents on this corny blog.


another subject that we must talk about is non other than my drama club's performance. once again, we manifested our talents in front of the crowd. well it was not as good as our previous performances. it was average. i am partly responsible and to be blamed for this fiasco. i backed out. yes, it is a thing that i would not usually do but did so. i just do not feel like acting for this time round. i am already to exposed and i wanted others, like marx, to have a chance. another rationale is that i think the script is nada. sorry but i thought it was. not to hurt the feelings of those who contributed. and i know i should not judge as i myself did not help with the script. yet again i did not assist them with writing the script as i felt i should let other people try. i gave reasons like: i am a christian and my faith denounces horoscopes therefore i chose not to. well that IS TRUE. though i only thought of that reason for the last minute. however, my mom actually forbade me to join. so, there it goes. anyways, the sec ones are doing quite good. especially syaza. superb i say.


i gave mr amin and ms yee hong paos. well it should be the other way round but hell with that. i am going to miss this two dearly as they are going overseas to study. that ms yee especially. she was like "this is my last performance with all of you" and i was like "GO AWAY LAH!!!". i mean, i feel so bad and dismayed that she is leaving. i have been living the last months of last year in that state and it worsens every passing day. she, on the other hand, magnifies this demoralization. yes, i know what you are thinking! EVIL! i thought so too. but do not say that because if you do i am going to beat you till you bleed.


a lot of alumni came back. one such beloved alum is dawina who is my sister in drama. khadijah, my most beloved lost friend who was looking for her most beloved norazura came too. i miss them so much! joyce did not come as she thinks that going back at this time is of no significance. plus, she just got her operation therefore she needs to rest. habel did not go, though his friend hafiz, azree and shadiqin were present. this is because he is engrossed in work. naqia is studying and therefore is unable to come. well, that is okay with me as they are coming back on the tenth of febuary.


well, that is all i have in store.


peace out y'all

here it goes again

oh dear
there it goes again
infected
my wounds are throbing
missed you so much
the knife retreated
i tried to critisize
to hate
verbally
just to forget
but the wave gushed in suddenly
the impact never as strong
so you've been summoning
your forces
my sheild is broken
my house is run down
i am going to rebuild again
so goodbye
and memories will always stay

high

what the hell!
bad day today.
shit all the fucking people out there.
wish i could stop cursing.
i hate french.

suddenly, i miss you.
its been too long
its been too near
all i want is to stay clear

insomnia

have decided what will my topic be for my 'o' level art course. insomnia. its the first thing that came to my mind this morning after reading a few pages of stephen king's likewise book. i'll try to put in as much faith as possible. i can do this. all i need is some stolen ideas and i'm off to getting and a1. hopefully. what i actually mean is on my knees praying that i'll get an a. but really, faith will be paid for right? right?

english project

whatever.

sat in front of the com the whole day doing the english project. MY BACK HURTS!

you suck! i wich i could go overseas to study and live in a dormitory or something so i can stay away from you!

i am finally getting the hang of school. for this week, i was not in class at all. maybe sometimes i would sneek up to class and try to catch some lessons. but i'm missing alot of things


today wasn't as tiring as yesterday. yesterday, i performed the comedy script that charmaine made about robbery. well i was certainly dog-tired. the first performance was okay but it got a bit messy in the middle but i gave my best shot in the end. the audience's response was satisfying. they laughed at the punch lines and all. i think we made a good impression but damn, my back hurts alot! i found out that the lead role is the most tiring part to play (first time!).


today more than twenty sec ones applied for drama. sadly there's only one or two guys but that's fine. those are not confirmed yet though so we still need to audition them. they might change their mind about how daunting drama can be. well i don't blame them. at first i told myself that i would be insane before i join drama. well now, yes i am insane. it does take a lot for one person to step out and act without self-consciousness, but once you had done that, the road gets more straight and more smooth than you imagined it would be. ms yee did not come today. i think she went overseas for some conference.


i seriously think drama can't go on without ms yee. for the mean time we are doing fine. but what about the long run? its not ms ng who led us to victory during the act drama retreat but ms yee. whatever she taught us for the past few years had been with us during the competion. ms ng was just there to ensure we are safe and that we can manage. i remeber before the competion i told nas (i dont think he can remeber this) how nervous i am. then he said that this play will be for ms yee. that kind of gave me the strength.


i think that time that she was away because of her blood infection, she became more close to us. not the physical distance but her presence filled us during the syf. everday we would shout "for ms yee!" and hoped and prayed that she would come back and get well soon. the bronze is not a big success, but she was the cause and effect of that success. the bronze was for her.


there is a reason why im writting this. though ms yee would never get to read this, i know the whole drama club loves her and will miss her.

second day of school. well, not bad. it was tiring though. i helped with sec 1 orrientation. a help that wasn't needed, wasn't asked, went unoticed, was not appreciated, but whole heartedly given. i'm going to say something about this year's council. in my opinion, tian wei and shila managed the school better beacuse of one thing; they were united as partners. even though the rest of the council was in chaos, tian wei and shila often fought, but always worked things out. unlike master ibrohim and mistress rouning. i think the malays in the council are againts the chinese and that there is alot of backstabbing going on betweeen the council. in theory, this will never work out. an unstable cornerstone will send the whole building crumbling down. what i mean is this council is not united. hence, i sense, so will be the next.

drama is eating up all my energy. and i want to back-out. but i am not willing to as i told ms yee that i'm in. if i told her that i changed my mind she would reprimand without limit as how i know she will. im not quiting i just do not want to perform for the sec 1 orientation. well at least she is less ferocious than ms victoria chong. both of them are contemporary by the way, i just found out. no reason for this outburst of information. just that they have both the same reputation. nevertheless, i want to gve my best for drama as my previous cca's are of atrocious reminisence. therefore i feel that i have found a home in drama.

as you can see i am trying to improve my english by writting as fluent as i can. i want to get straight A's for 'O' levels as i want to get an overseas scholarship. praying that i would. i made up my mind that i want to be a psychologist. whatever that word means.

this is insane.

school has reopened. that is a sad story. but i do miss school. sometimes when you have nothing to do at home. well, that didnt happen this holiday. i was running ro two months. but i still missed school. well. first day was bad. when i said bad i mean bad. that's because i reconciled with french and that's the worst thing that could ever happen. i went out of school early and headed for bishan but i found out that i had no lessons for that day. i was embarrased in front of the whole class that i mistakenly entered. and i had a tough ride home. well this is all thanks to my stupid french teacher, mr gilbert, who called me and said i'm having lessons on tuesday and thursday at 4:30pm while it is supposed to be at wednesday adn friday, 2:30pm. i wasted time. and i was exausted. my transport money also wasted. beacause of this, i had no energy left for my drums lesson and i mess up the whole time. i couldn't get the beat rigth when my tempo goes above 125. that sucked. but school was okay. nothing much embarassing happened at school. anyways. bad day. but who cares. its normal.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!